I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
