why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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