Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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