i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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