Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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