She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
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They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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