it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I supernannyed him into submission
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