I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
