I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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