True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
