Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
