He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
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Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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