You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
