just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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