I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
