Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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