I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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