East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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