This is not my ceiling
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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