I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw