You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!