we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?