I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring