did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops