I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
