the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
