I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
