There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
