Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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