your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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