I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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