WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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