I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would not recommend douching while drunk.