I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death