i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
