When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.