I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
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I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
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I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe