I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
