So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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