I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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