You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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