someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
