They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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