...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
