It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
