Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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