Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
