I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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