You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
