He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
