What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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