if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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