I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
