TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
