We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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