thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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