I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
