What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
