That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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