i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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