Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
