24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
