rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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