After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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