i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
