So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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