no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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