The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
